Online sessions now available.Kristian S. Nibe - clinical psychologist and ISTDP practitioner.
Loss and grief.
Grief and sorrow are natural reactions to a loss. To lose someone or something that one has loved is very painful. Such a loss doesn’t have to be caused by the passing away of someone close, a sorrow can also be caused by a break-up of a relationship, a loss of health or physical function, illness or injury, loss of employment, business, or financial stability, death of a pet, loss of a valued dream, or loss of safety after a traumatic event such as rape, robbery, abortion, accident, or natural disaster. All kinds of loss related to something that we have loved and valued can cause a grief reaction.
After a loss it is common to experience difficult and surprising feelings and reactions. A grief reaction can trigger all of our feelings: sadness, anger, guilt, love, and disgust. Our reactions and the way we handle the loss and sorrow may include shock, guilt, psychosis, depression, anxiety, apathy, passivity, acting out, revenge, indifference, substance abuse, but also constructive reactions in form of gratitude and wanting to do better and be a better person.
The greater the loss the more intense the grief reaction and the feelings of sorrow. But even an apparently trivial loss can lead to a great sorrow. It is the subjective love we had to what was lost that determine the depth of the grief. For example, one might experience sorrow after moving away from home to start college, after selling ones first car, or after retiring from a career that one has dedicated ones entire life to.
Grief is a highly personal and individual experience. How a person grieves depends on several factors including; personality, coping style, life experience, faith, ability to regulate feelings, and the perceived importance of what was lost.
To ignore the sorrow or trying to prevent it from being felt and experienced only makes it worse in the long run. In order to achieve healing, it’s important to face the grief and actively learn from it. To feel sad, angry, guilty, afraid, or lonely are normal reactions after a loss. To cry doesn’t mean that you are weak, but many believe erroneously that they must protect family and friends by acting “strong” and proud. However, showing true and authentic feelings can be of great help to other people and yourself.
To cry is a normal reaction when we feel sad, but it isn’t the only possible reaction. Those who don’t cry can still feel sorrow just as heavy as those that cry a lot. People grieve in different ways, and some ways are difficult for others to understand.
Sometimes it might seem that the painful feelings will never go away. But even though some of the feelings can be both terrifying and overwhelming, they are a normal reaction when experiencing a loss. To accept that these painful feelings are a part of the grieving process and allow them to be experienced is a necessary part of the process.
There is no right way to grieve, but there are healthy ways to manage the pain that the sorrow brings. Grief that is expressed and shared with others can create an opportunity to turn around a situation that seem hopeless into a strength and something that may enrich ones life.
The grieving process takes time. Healing occurs gradually and can neither be hurried or forced in any way. There’s no normal time frame for the grieving process. Some people start to feel better after a few weeks or months, while for others it can last longer. What is important is to treat oneself with patience and allow the process to take its natural course.
Many experience that the sorrow never ends and that it lasts for several months or years. Then it may have developed into a pathological mourning that is caused by unconscious feelings the body is not able to let go of. It may be worth trying to get in touch with these feelings so that suffering isn’t prolonged unnecessary.
Online consultations available.
Use the contact form below for any inquiries. Please state briefly the nature of your problem, when and how you are available, and how you prefer to conduct payment (Credit Card or PayPal).
Consultations are available for either 45 minutes or 90 minutes, and are conducted by video either through Skype or appear.in. Alternatively I also offer sessions through chat/e-mail.
The price per 45 minute consultation is 160 Euro. The price for a 90 minute consultation is 300 Euro.